“Those people are just [ignorant][uneducated][misguided][dangerous] sheep.”

So much of what I read about, hear, and see in the United States today — from the streets to the government — sounds almost exactly like what I’ve been hearing in my office for years.

As a psychologist, I have multiple areas of expertise and one of my favorites is couples’ therapy. I have had many, many couples come to me over the years filled with hurt and anger, painfully contemplating ending an important attachment relationship because they can see no way forward.

My job, as I see it, is not necessarily to keep them together. Instead, I see my job as helping them to really see and understand the other, and to have the experience of feeling both seen and understood themselves. If I can accomplish this, then the couple can truly decide what’s right for them. Not in reaction to feeling hurt, angry, unseen, and misunderstood, but a clear-headed decision from a place of compassion, understanding, and feeling seen.

Getting to that place isn’t easy. When both people feel wronged and misunderstood, they naturally dig in their heels. They shout louder and louder (or shut down and become silent) and formulate the best arguments they can in their own efforts to be heard. It takes work to get everyone to slow down and then stop these patterns. To learn new skills so they are…