That all makes sense. Yes being in middle age makes connecting very different as we have all had very unique lives. And yes, all relationships do end at some point for sure, so the ultimate pain would have to be worth the beauty of it.

Being happy alone is certainly possible and worthwhile. Having an intimate, loving relationship with ourself is rich and rewarding and a great foundation for everything else. And, it doesn't completely negate the need for others. (I'm going to throw out the possibility of alanon - you might find help there for your codependency and also other aliens you can relate to. Just a thought)

In any case, I have read enough of your writing and comments on others' writing to know that you are a deeply empathic, kind, insightful person and an articulate writer and I look forward to reading whatever you might have to say in the future.