I'm glad you're thinking about it. I realize of course that she is likely defensively guarding herself from feeling shame and guilt thus not able to turn to you with the deep accountability, kindness, and empathy that you deserve and that would facilitate healing and new levels of empathy between the two of you.

But it also makes me sad that you don't seem fully aware of the lack. On some level you do, as it has made you contemplate the ending of your marriage. But from your writing, it's not clear to me that you are clear that you deserve, on a human level, a much, much different response than she has given you.