Aplogizing and Making Amends

We all make mistakes, large and small. In the midst of our lives, we flounder. We let emotions and/or unconscious baggage dictate our words or actions, and in the process sometimes cause people we love, care about, or respect pain. This is a fact of life and relationship, so the question is not will this happen, the question is what to do when it does happen.

There are some who might argue that most of the time when someone acts in a hurtful way it’s typically out of anger, their own pain, addiction, or simply carelessness. It wasn’t sadistic or intended to hurt, so why rub it in? And besides, it’s over and done — it’s in the past — why not just “move on?”

And yet every spiritual and religious tradition includes the importance of apology, forgiveness, and making amends. In Judaism, one of the holiest days of the year is the day of atonement. Catholics confess their sins to a priest to receive guidance and forgiveness. In the 12 step program, making amends to people you have harmed is one of the steps. Part of the practice of karma yoga is about right actions, and dealing ethically with others, and includes trying to right the wrongs we have done.

Normally, when we think about apologies and making amends we think about it in terms of providing healing for the injured party, and there’s no question it can be a gift. A sincere apology can be…